This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
