Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sobbing to NWA
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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