The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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