Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
