So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
