You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
