Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
