He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
