I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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