i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You may now shotgun with the bride
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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