I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
