Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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