Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
