hotel room ftw
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
