So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize