I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
