From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
