Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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