Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Im part way to drunk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
