I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
