I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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