WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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