True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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