Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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