I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize