so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize