I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
