Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
