So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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