we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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