i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
