Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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