Four minutes until I can fart!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
