People in love make me want to vomit
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
