I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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