you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
