I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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