My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
