You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
