i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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