your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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