can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
