Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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