i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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