I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm passing your future prison.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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