i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
