i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
