it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
