he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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