I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
