I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
