Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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