I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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