Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
