using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
