At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the raccoons are back...
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