youre lurking in front of me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the day after is always just damage control
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
