Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize