So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wear drunk well.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
