So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
