Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
