got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have fence marks all over my body
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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