Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
