Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need to calm my uterus...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
