I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize