Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
