we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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