Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
