At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
