I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
