Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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