so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
