***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
