I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize