Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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