How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
